I found myself being seen as the girl that always had it together.

The girl that always had good grades, was academic, never caused any problems. I learnt from a young age to put my head down, and work hard and everything else would work out after that. I didn’t realise that slowly over time I was learning something else: my worth was tied to my output.  To how well I performed, to how much I achieved, to how “together” I looked from the outside. That belief followed me into adulthood  and into business  long before I knew how deeply it would shape my life.

As a teenager that belief found a new place to live.  I fell down the rabbit hole of nutrition plans, workout routines, and fitness influencers. At first, it felt healthy but fitness became the area of my life I could control when everything else felt chaotic. I  told myself  “If I can just get this right… everything else will fall into place. But control quietly turned into obsession.

I lost an unhealthy amount of weight. I lost my periods. I lost flexibility  mentally and emotionally. And slowly, I lost my identity. I became “the fit one”, “the small one”, “the disciplined one”. And I didn’t know who I was outside of that role and I was scared to find out.  What I didn’t understand then  and what I see so clearly now  is that when your worth is tied to being good, disciplined, or successful, it becomes terrifying to let go.

I knew something had to change and I started to work with a coach rebuilding my relationship with food and exercise. It really started to sink in - just how much of my life I had missed out on. I had pushed friends away, disconnected in my relationship - absent and i was distracted trying to control everything. When it shifted, I started to feel so much lighter and free, I knew I wanted other women to experience this t - not just in food and fitness but the freedom that comes from recognising that your identity is no longer attached to what you’re doing. 

I created  “GymBees Coaching”  during my second year of university just before lockdown filled with doubt, as I'm sure we all know when we have a big goal or idea! Questioning if anyone would even want to be coached by me.. But what surprised me is I created a space that so many women were craving- safe, sustainable. My business grew quickly and i was fully coaching by the time I graduated

From the outside, it looked successful but on the inside - I was terrified. Terrified I didn’t deserve it. I wasn’t doing enough. I would fail. So, I did what I had always learnt to do and worked harder- slowly merging with my business. Honestly, every day evolved around work. I would take calls late, cancel plans last minute and feel guilty when I was away from work. Despite on the surface everything seeming great.. I felt flat, disconnected and empty. 

I was desperate to get what felt like my spark back - I tried counselling and was left thinking “what next?” So, I moved onto mindset coaching - and one day my coach looked at me and asked me a question that still sticks with me to this day “Bee, if I was to take away your business.. Who would you be?” and that was the moment i felt it in my chest, this sinking feeling because honestly, I didn’t know.  Outside of my coaching business I had lost myself. My self-worth and identity had become so deeply connected to my work that it guided me every day and that was the realisation: Your business can only grow as far as your  mindset can hold it. 

If you’re built in a mindset that is focused on fear, scarcity or providing for yourself then you can’t keep examining a business that collapses the minute you take a step back. 

I restructured my business, I centered everything around my values, removed my team members, retrained in Neurolinguistic Programming  and started the process of undertaking a MSC  in Coaching Psychology. I knew I wanted more depth, more connection, more alignment. 

My advice for anyone on this journey.. 

1. Start paying attention to what you think you have to earn - if you only allow yourself to rest after you’ve done enough or if your mood changes based on how your work day has gone. These are learned beliefs that are likely creeping into your behaviour and your business 

2. Your identity shapes everything, the beliefs, habits and actions that you hold will impact exactly how you show up! If you’re holding beliefs that you need to hold it all together, you’ll likely find yourself trying to prove to yourself. Let yourself recognise what thoughts you’re telling yourself right now.

3. Surround yourself in the right environment - the people you are around will entirely make and break what you believe is possible for yourself! (She Connects is the perfect example of this!)

4. Your Business is not your worth! There will be quiet times and  moments of doubt but don’t let your worth become connected to your business instead of who you are

5. Be clear on your boundaries, this could be personal boundaries, work boundaries or social boundaries- know what you’re available for and what you’re not available for otherwise, you’ll find  yourself stretched and questioning why?

6. Redefine what success is - ask yourself, what does success look like in your life? What will lead to you feeling truly fulfilled, even if no one could see what you were doing. 

I wanted the work to go beyond external changes. I knew the external changes weren’t the answer, they were the comfort blanket and now I help women to collapse the identity of who they think they should be. The one who copes, pushes through or is fine so, we can rebuild from the inside out. 

We  use psychology and NLP to recognise the stories that have been quietly operating that have you capped, overworking and exhausted to help you build a life that feels like yours again!

This might look like 

• 1:1 clarity sessions to uncover what’s actually holding you back

• Ongoing mindset support to build an identity that can hold growthDeep work around beliefs, boundaries, nervous system regulation, and self-worth

  
  

Because personal growth isn’t separate from business growth. It is the foundation of it.

You can connect will me here on instagram @itsbeewallis or find out more on www.zalacoaching.com/zalamindset